...or a Christmas Newsletter for the Relatives

My neighbor wished me a merry Christmas by making an unsolicited sexual advance in the building’s laundry room on Christmas morning. Christmas? The laundry room? Call me a prude is you wish, but I can’t help but feel that was wildly inappropriate. Still, it’s nice to know someone thinks that I’m “the sexiest man” that “he’s ever seen.” Yay, I’m hot.

One friend of mine carried out his annual tradition of treated himself to a prostitute on the last night of Hanukkah.

Another friend who just had his first baby got drunk on Christmas morning and starting yelling at his new despised in-laws. He and the little lady aren’t speaking.

And finally, another friend was assaulted by his estranged ex boyfriend on his front lawn.

What the hell happened to the candy canes, stockings, gum drops, Christmas carolers and the adorable little elves of my childhood holidays?

By and large I actually had a nice Christmas this year, and my mother told me relatives have been reading my weblog.

Hi relatives! How were your holidays?