Earnest Evan’s jounal #5.

Characters:

Earnest Evens. Protagonist. Tenant.
Walter. Building Manager. Bone thin man originally from West Virginia.
Sue. Fellow resident. Lives across from Walter and Leroy’s apartment.
Casandra. The Casandra.
Zeus. The Zeus.
Apollo. The Apollo.

Off stage:

Leroy. Walter’s long term boyfriend.
Freak Boyfriend and freak girlfriend. Live next door to Earnest. Fight constantly, often have the police called upon to break up fights.

SCENE I
Setting: Winter, 2003. Earnest Evans apartment. Evening. Day 2 of the blizzard.

A knock on the door. Earnest walks from couch to answer door. Opens door, Walter enters.
Earnest:
Walter, what’s up?
Walter:
I’m sooo sorry to ask this of you, but the boiler is broken, and I’m 80 dollars short to pay the repair man. Because of the blizzard, the repairman is demanding cash. Can you spare some cash? I promise to pay you back tomorrow after I go to the bank.

Lights dim. Enter chorus (classical Grecian style)

Chorus:
Earnest ponders the situation. Should he loan him the money? Is Walter trustworthy? Earnest does not know; but he does know one thing, it is better to be owed than to owe. This could work out well for Earnest. He could be late with the rent, and hold this over Walter’s head … AND have heat.

Yes, yes, Earnest will loan him the money.

Exaunt chorus. Lights up.

Earnest:
Sure, just this one time.
Walter:
Oh thank you so much.

Lights dim. Enter chorus.

Chorus:
All is good. Walter pays Earnest back the next day. But Earnest has defied the gods, and will pay for his foolishness.

SCENE II(abridged)
Setting: Earnest’s apartment. 2 months later.

A knock on the door.
Walter:
Earnest, I’m sooo sorry to have to ask you this again, but ……..

Enter chorus:
What has Earnest done? One last time, Earnest will loan Walter the money.

SCENE III:
Setting: same apartment, last week.

A knock on the door.
Walter:
Oh, I’m really in a bind. Your next door neighbors found out that I was going to evict them, and have trumped up false charges against Leroy. He was arrested and I need to post bail. I don’t want him to stay in jail all night. Can you spare 80 dollars? I’m sorry to ask this of you.
Earnest:
Hey that’s all right, man. Bail is bail. Just pay me back when you can.

Enter chorus

Chorus:
Earnest is a fool! The gods are laughing at him. Apollo bet that Earnest wouldn’t be dumb enough for fall for it a 3rd time, but was wrong and had to pay Zeus 20 bucks.

SCENE IV
Setting: Later that night at the Brewer’s Art. Earnest runs into Sue who lives across the hall from Walter and Leroy. Earnest and Sue are chatting.
Earnest:
Do you know what those shitheads that live next to me did to Walter and Leroy? I had to loan Walter money to get Leroy out of jail.
Sue:
You did what? Oh my God, you didn’t? Let me guess, 80 bucks, right?
Earnest:
Um, yeah, how did you know?
Sue:
Dude, they’re crack addicts. In the middle of the afternoon, they lock themselves up, turn on Al Green music, smoke crack and fuck for hours! I can smell the crack in the hallway. They’ve hit everyone in the building up for 80 dollars. That’s how much crack they pay for at a time. Ha, man … you’ve been played.

Here are Walter and Leroy thanks to you …

Sue stands up, gestures as if she is Walter and mounting Leroy, thrusts her hips back and forth while pretending to smoke crack from a pipe.

Enter chorus:

Earnest knows he is a fool. High on Mt. Olympus, the gods are laughing their asses off. Apollo shakes his head back and forth and says, “Man, Earnest got played again! I ain’t backin’ up that green fool ever again.”

Forsaken by the gods, Earnest is doomed to be suckered over and over again.

SCENE V
Setting: On the way home from the bar. Casandra is sitting on a bench. Earnest walks by.

Casandra:
Hey you! Sucker! You is a sucker and you will always BE a sucker!
Earnest:
What are you talking about, you crazy old lady?
Casandra:
Hey, I just need 80 cent to catch a bus. Can you front me some change?