A while ago a work, while we were all setting up for the night, one of my coworkers arrived and starting screaming at another. “You were fucked up last night!” blah blah blah.

The night before, a group of the coworkers had gone out drinking. One of the group, Snookems (real nickname) had way too much to drink. Snookems has a crush on B. Snookems is pretty straight forward about this and often comes on to B. He’s half kidding, and everyone including B gets a good laugh when Snookems demands, in the middle of the rush, that B take off his pants.

Anyway, as I was saying, a group of guys had gone out the night before. B and Snookems were sitting next to one another chatting. In the middle of the conversation, Snookems reaches over and goes for a grab on Little B. B jumps back, but doesn’t overreact. It is decided that Snookems has had too much to drink, and needs to be driven home. Somehow, it is decided that B is the man for the job. Apparently, B spent the entire drive home trying to keep Snookems from pawing him. Snookems refused to tell B where he lived and kept asking B to find a place to park. B had to call one of the other guys at the bar and ask him where Snookems lived.

As details of the prior evening’s happenings were making themselves clear through B screaming rankings, everyone was laughing hysterically. “Poor Snookems” was the general consensus. Ever since, we have been making fun of B, not Snookems, for the happenings that evening. The only people who were remotely upset with Snookems behavior were the other gay guys who didn’t appreciate Snookems making them look bad.

I totally empathize with the manner that B had reacted to the situation, I’ve been there. You can’t keep it quiet and to yourself. If you do, it’s a deep dark secret shared between you and the offending party, which feels much more disturbing than having all your coworkers making fun of you. Which is why, when it last happened to me, I had reacted in the exact same manner.

I was a few years ago, when I was working at another place, and a large group of us had gone out drinking. I was sitting with a friend who was gay, and similarly, this guy had too much to drink. He kept saying all this gay shit to me, I kept telling him to shut up, but he just continued.

Unfortunately, we both had the same ride home. A married couple was dropping us both off. I went up to Jen and begged her to let me sit in the front seat. I was terrified of being stuck in the back seat with the guy. Unfortunately, it hadn’t occurred to me that it would have been much smarter to stick him in the front seat. He sat right behind me, and spent the entire ride home leaning forward, whispering loudly enough for everyone in the car to hear, “Adam, when we get to my place, you’re going to get out of the car with me and come upstairs.” Jen and Dave were laughing hysterically as I kept futilely screaming, “Shut up! Shut up! Get away from me!!”

Just as I thought I couldn’t get any worse, he reached forward from both sides off the seat and tweaked both my nipples. Jen and Dave were crying with laughter as I was sitting in the seat, holding my nipples to protect them from the guy behind me, apparently screaming at the top of my lungs (I don’t even remember this part, Jen and Dave told me about it the next day a t work) “I like P----y! I like P----y! Get away from me! Get away from me!”

How did I handle the situation? The next day at work I yelled at him in front of everybody, everyone got a good laugh, and I had to put up with some admittedly pretty damn funny jokes for the next few weeks.

Say what you will about what these guys did and how it was wrong and all, or say if it had happened to you would have popped the guys in the nose. These guys were drunk, and violence would have been an overreaction in either case. Besides, get a sense of humor, guy on guy sexual harassment is just plain funny.

more irritating festival photos. This time of Polish Fest. Patterson Park, June 2004

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