Wow, I’ve got nothing for you this week. No filthy stories, no drunken regrets, no horribly constructed and badly punctuated crappy essays. Nothing.

So, instead I’ll share with you a seemingly endless stream of unassociated nonsense.

First, a long time ago Bre asked me to blow up the picture from my side header. What the hell, here it is Bre:

Last night, a friend and his girlfriend, who have just recently purchased a house, threw a house warming party. All my pictures sucked, so I’ll just share this one showing how much of a hippie state loving homo my friend is:

So, apparently he’s a Maryland Nationalist now. Okay I’ll join in, and would like to propose the following amendments to the Maryland Separatist Hippie Nationalist Party:

1. Invade Washington, because that’s our land.
2. Invade Delaware, because, face it, Delaware isn’t a real state. Delaware is the Canada of the Mid-Atlantic (If you’re still reading this page Suzanne, I’m so sorry I said that. I don’t really mean it anyway, I’m just bored).
3. Invade Virginia, because despite popular opinion, Virginia is not for lovers. Virginia is for assholes.
4. Do not invade Pennsylvania. Those Quakers, Shakers, and Amish would kick our asses.

Anyway, thanks for the nice dinner consisting of cooking chocolate, chicken, and spices that kept me up farting all night long, you damned Mexican hippie.

Seadragon’s recent theological naval gazing (and I mean that in the good way) has inspired me to do a little naval gazing myself. Not into the nature of faith, mind you, but actually into my rule about never ever dating anybody from a religious background. Not that I think that it’s a bad rule. For me it’s a great rule. I have nothing against women from religious backgrounds. I’m just saving them and me from a lot of trouble in the future.

Babble, babble, babble, babble.....

Okay, what I was really naval gazing about was when exactly it was that I came up with that rule. I can’t say that I remember, but it did cause me to remember the last religious girl that I dated, like ten years or so ago. She wasn’t you’re run of the mill every day religious girl, she was a theology grad student and planning to go into the priesthood.

Ha! Who would have ever guessed that that relationship wouldn’t work out in the long run.

Curious as to whatever happened to her, I googled her the other day. She’s actually become successful in her chosen creative field. She’s critically acclaimed, even. She is not a priest, and seems to have taken a much more human path in life. In her faculty bio at the university where she now teaches, she listed her interests as being something along the lines of theology, left leaning politics, jake gyllenhaal and vodka, which reminded me of this very amusing article by Nancy Updike about how everyone, including lesbians and heterosexual men, wants to bang jake gyllenhaal. I guess we can add theologists to the list.

She also happens to live in the same city as my friend ESF. ESF was also aquainted with her, but hated her ass. I emailed ESF yesterday and insisted she contact the theologist ex. I haven’t checked my email yet, but I’m sure they’ll be a “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me?” response. ESF visits this site from time to time, so I’ll plead with her here, as I have nothing else to write about.

Come on, ESF. Give her a call. She sounds like she grew into interesting and cool person. Get together with her, drink vodka, and talk about how you both want to get sexy with Jake Gyllenhaal (it’s too bad she’s married and you’re engaged. Word on the street is that Mr. G is single again). You can even tell her what I told you in The Club Charles last year. Fine people, judge me if you want, I swear that I’m 100% straight, but come on, Jake Gyllenhaal is one dreamy movie star (that’s a joke, mom).

Also to ESF, because email is like, so too not public. Updates on the local news:

Who got married this month:

Damon and Jill. They say hello.
Brawley and Courtney. They’re still both cool as ever.
Matt and that Stephane.

How faggy is it that those three guys decided to get married in the same month?

Also, an update on one of your ex’s:

Garrett just moved to Berkley for law school. He plans to become a licenced anarchist pain in my ass.

In conclusion, I was called upon to organize the mid August Baltimore Webloggers Meetup. Sadly, I cannot perform my duties as I’ll actually be out of town at that time. I’ll be soaking up the Central Jersey Shore at the beach house of some Nader loving friends of mine.

A brief synopsis of the conversations I’ve been having with my Nader loving buddies over the past couple of weeks:

Them: Will you sign the petition?
Me: No.
Them: Will you sign the petition?
Me: No.
Them: Will you sign the petition?
Me: No.
Them: Will you sign the petition?
Me: No.
Them: Will you sign the petition?
Me: No.

etc., etc...

As much as I love my friends, I’m half terrified that this “Jersey Shore beach house” is actually a Nader reeducation camp in central Idaho.