LET ME DUMP MY CAT ON YOU

As I said in my last post, I’ll be spending mid-month at a Ralph Nader reeducation camp, strapped in a chair, forced to watch hours of anti IMF and WTO propaganda. I’m looking forward to it, but I’ve just now realized that I’m going to have to figure out what to do with my homosexual double fat two headed roommate.

click to enlarge

Unfortunately, I can’t have anyone from outside my building to stop by and check up on him, as I’m only allowed one pass card into the building. I don’t really know anyone in my building anymore, so I have no one in the building who can check up on him. There is that one guy who told me I was “the sexiest man” that he has “ever seen”, but I don’t want him to have access to my underwear drawer.

So, if there is anyone out there who I’ve actually met who can baby-sit my homosexual double fat two headed roommate between the 13th and the 18th of this month, please let me know. Let me share with you some of his roommate habits beforehand:

1. He is the world’s biggest homo wussy, so you won’t have to worry about him beating up your pets. In fact, you can enjoy watching your pets beat him up. He’s a big ego builder for other cats.
2. He has a toe fetish, which is endearing.
3. He likes to show his affection by sneaking up on you while sitting on the toilet and nipping you in the arse. How fucking cute is that?

click to enlarge

***

EXCUSE ME AS I TOOT MY OWN HORN

Someone just emailed me to point out that the Citypaper quoted my blog. Granted, it’s not an attributed quote, but a quote just the same. In fact, it’s my second not attributed quote by a newspaper. The first one was from the New York Times, which of course was much cooler, but happened
on the day of my father’s funeral which was a little freaky.

FUN WITH GNOSTICS AND OTHER AMUSEMENTS AT THE WORKPLACE

Things said this weekend by my Ethiopian assimilated into American yo boy culture that made me feel annoyed and uncomfortable and caused me to try to walk away and yet he insisted on following me and continue to annoy me:

Yo man. I heard about this dude in Nigeria who was a christian but used to be a Satan worshiper. When he was a Satan worshiper he could teleport from country to country. It’s true, man.

Did you know that Satan has a whole city under the ocean with millions of Satan worshippers? It’s true, man.

God gave Satan so many powers to tempt us. It’s crazy man.

An exclamation made by a coworker who was trying to use an underpowered screwdriver that made me smirk:

“This piece of shit couldn’t satisfy my wife.”

A comeback made by one coworker to another this weekend that made me cackle with laugher:

Saul: Oh, you think I’m crazy. Good, I’m glad. I’m tickled fucking pink that that you feel that way.

Snookems: You can’t even remember the last time you tickled something pink.

TWO ON POLITICS (sorry)

I just read a very entertaining article in Esquire written by Ron Reagan Jr. blasting the Bush Administration for being evil and the conservative ideologues who tried to exploit his father’s death. Admittedly, everyone knows that RR Jr. has been a closet Dem since the days of his father’s presidency, so it’s probably not fair to point out the link, but sometimes I just like to feel good for being a lib.

I watched Tucker Carlson’s interview with Wonkette on PBS this week. I’m happy to see a blogger getting legitimate press, but was saddened to see that she doesn’t have a clue. She said that the deciding factor in the upcoming election would be the American people’s hatred for Bush.

Unfortunately, what she fails to realize that very few people hate Bush. He’s not a very hatable guy. It’s easy to hate his administration, but he’s simply too stupid to be held accountable for his administration’s actions. Even I can’t bring myself to hate him on a personal level. Hating Bush is sort of like hating that good natured wrong headed retard that lives in a shack on the edge of your town (albeit a very rich one). You may hate to hear him talk, and avoid him at the coffee shop, but actually hating him as a human being makes you feel like and evil person.

If Wonkette is right, the Republicans have already won.