Tampa Bay (AP) Enraged by the poor performance of their newly hired motivational coach, George Steinbrenner abruptly fired Chad Boling from the Yankees’ motivational team last night, replacing him with Stuart Smalley, reportedly the highest paid motivational speaker in major league baseball.

"Enough is enough. I am bitterly disappointed, as I'm sure all Yankee fans are, by the lack of performance by our motivational staff," Steinbrenner said in a statement. "It is unbelievable to me that the highest-paid motivational staff in baseball would start the season in such a deep funk.

"They are not motivating like true Yankees. They have the talent to win and they are not winning. I expect Stuart Smalley and his complete motivational staff to turn this around."

Contacted at his Eugene Oregon home, Smalley sounded really excited about his new relationship with Yankees.

“Oh, I just think this is a super opportunity.” Smalley answered when asked how he felt about joining the Yankees motivational team. “It’s not going to be an easy job, the Yankees don’t feel very good about themselves this year. But doggoneit, I feel good about myself right now and I’m up to the challenge!”

When asked what specific motivational challenges he felt the Yankees faced this season, Smalley answered, “Oh, gee, we have lots of challenges this year. Gary Sheffield feels the fans have been really hurtful towards him this year. In Baltimore this weekend, the Beijing government sponsored five thousand Chinese nationals to scream ‘Remember Nanjing!’ in Mandarin every time Hideki Matsui went to bat. That sort of thing can really really hurt.

“But overall, the team just doesn’t feel very good about itself this year. For a baseball club who is so accustomed to winning, so accustomed in fact that it almost feels like an entitlement, a defeat like the one they experienced last year to Boston can be a crippling blow to your confidence.”

When asked how he planned to turn the team around, Smalley answered, “My motivational technique is a very basic and simple one. I’m going to bring a great big mirror into the locker room, have the whole darned team look into that mirror with me, and we’re going to say to ourselves, “We’re talented enough, we’re good looking enough, we make over 200 million a year and doggonnit, we deserve that pennant in 2005!"

[special thanks to broadsheet]