Really gay work stories, Part I

On the slower nights at work, I’ll typically bring my laptop into work so I can kill the downtime in much the same way you office workers do, reading crap on the internet. There is this older man I work with, a very nice homosexual whom we’ll call Randy, who always asks me to download movie trailers. Although Randy has a computer at home, he isn’t exactly the most internet savvy person in the universe. I try to explain to him how to do this on his own, but the concept seems to allude him.

Last week, night after night, Randy kept asking me if I had brought the laptop into work. No no no... busy week. On Sunday night, I had finally brought it in.

Randy: Adam, could you please bring up a movie trailer for me?
Me: What trailer?
Randy: I can’t remember. Let me make a phone call.

Randy called his boyfriend, jabber jabber jabber, “It’s called Brokeback Mountain.” I did the search, found the movie... still very early in the post-production process...

Me: The trailer isn’t out yet.
Randy(very sad and dejected): Oh, that’s too bad.
Me (curious): Why do you want to see this trailer so badly?
Randy: It stars Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal as a couple of gay ranch hands in Wyoming!
Me (laughing): Oh! No wonder you were so interested in this movie. Sorry, no trailer yet. (I clicked on a few more links) Oh, wait, here’s a gossip page on the movie. Listen to this “According to reports, Heath Ledger nearly broke co-star Jake Gyllenhaal's nose while filming a kissing scene.”
Randy: OOOOOOOOOOOO! It sounds like they really got into it.
Me: Wait... you’ll like this even more, “Heath Ledger has a nude scene in which he jumps into a lake. The director intends to edit any actual frontal nudity out of the film, but a paparazzi took photos of Ledger with a digital camera. The photos have appeared on the internet and in some press publications.”
Randy: Ooooo! Find them for me!
Me: You can do that at home. Just do a google image search and turn off the parental controls.
Randy: What’s google?
Me: *blink blink*
Randy: *stare*
Me: *blink blink*
Randy: *stare*
Me: You want me to search for naked pictures of Heath Ledger on the internet for you?
Randy: Well... if it wouldn’t be too much trouble.
Me: *blink blink*
Randy: *stare*
Me: Fine.

I just wanted to say to all you Heath Ledger naked picture google searchers out there, WELCOME TO MY WEB SITE.

Really gay work stories, Part II

Last week, a younger coworker was sharing with us his experience at The Mount Royal Tavern the night prior. For those of you unfamiliar, The Mount Royal Tavern is a dive bar located in the center of the art school campus, is nominally a straight bar, and renowned for having the most revolting bathroom on the eastern seaboard.

Younger coworker: Man, I was at the Tavern last night. Some guy was sucking another guy off in the bathroom! They were in there for over a half hour. I had to go outside a piss behind the dumpster.
Everybody: Hahahahahahahahahah!
Randy: Is that a gay bar?
Everybody: No! Hahahahahahaha!
Randy (to younger coworker): Were you freaked out?
Younger coworker: No. Of course not. I didn’t care. I just thought it was ironic that I had to go outside and piss behind the dumpster, when I should have been in the bathroom pissing and they should have been behind the dumpster sucking each other off.