eebmore: -->Dumbass with a camera<--

-->Dumbass with a camera<--

June 30, 2005

Thanks much to Bre’s persistent nagging, and my own interest of trying to get back into the whole photography thing (and by “photography thing” I mean trying to learn how to take a decent picture), I took my camera out for a little snap session yesterday afternoon. I strolled over to the west side through the remnants of the long dead Chinatown, down Park Avenue, past pawn shops, whig stores and vacant buildings. I took one worthless shot after another.

I eventually came across the courtyard for Charles Centre. On the south face of the courtyard stood a bland soulless high rise decorated with a huge, winding, twisted metal sculpture that covered the majority of the facade. The juxtaposition was interesting, and I set about trying to get a good shot.

After a minute or two, a security guard bolted out the front door, screaming “Do you have clearance to take those pictures?!”

Huh? “Uh.... no?” I replied, looking up and realizing I was taking pictures of the Federal Courthouse. “Oh shit! I’m so sorry. I wasn't thinking,” I apologized.

“Erase those pictures! Erase those pictures!”

While where were stand by the front door, me erasing the photographs as quickly as I could under her supervision, we were swarmed in all directions by officers, plain clothes detectives and various other federales as though I was Cat Stephens caught uninvited at Paul Wolfowitz’s granddaughter’s batmitsva.

If one’s manhood is measured by the way the react when they are being interrogated by federal agents, I’m a three year old girl wearing a tutu and hugging a cabbage patch doll. I was shaking so badly, I could barely manage to push the buttons necessary to delete the photos.

After providing the G-men with my information, and showing them the rest of my crappy Park Avenue Photos, they eventually started to develop the impression that I was in fact not a terrorist and were actually quite nice.

“If you think you freaked out,” one of them said to me, “you should see how the foreigners react when we stop them from taking photos after their citizenship ceremonies. They think we’re going to deport their whole family. Ha ha ha ha!”

“Ha ha” I laughed right along with them. Silly foreigners.

“We’re just going to have to run a NSIC background check to make sure you don’t have any outstanding warrants. As long as you pass, we’ll let you go.”

So we sat around for about five minutes and waited to make sure I wasn’t a terrorist and chatted about digital cameras, national security and ugly sculptures.

“Why were you taking those pictures anyway?” one asked me.

“I thought it was an interesting sculpture.”

The officer looked up at the steel sculpture, laughed, and told me he would have to take my word for it. Sheesh, everyone is a critic.

Good news people, NO OUTSTANDING WARRANTS! *shew*

Thanks Bre.

02:12 PM | Permalink

Comments

If it makes you feel better, I think you're a dumbass without a camera too.

Posted by: B at June 30, 2005 03:03 PM

quitter

Posted by: eebmore at June 30, 2005 03:20 PM

heh.

personally, i love your photos. You should join everybody else and flickr them.

and, um, yay for no outstanding warrants. That's a good thing.

Posted by: MB at June 30, 2005 03:23 PM

That's what you get for being a commie.

(What? No pictures? You won't even show us the crappy ones?)

Posted by: AnonymousCoworker at June 30, 2005 03:25 PM

Damn! I was recently confronted by a huffy waitress in a restaurant over my unauthorized camera use, and I pounded out a self-righteous blog rant about how persecuted I was. But I've got nothing compared with this story.

And let me add that I still find it to be insane that a person (with no outstanding warrants!) can't walk down a public street and take a picture of a building -- federal or otherwise --without the possibility of being swarmed by the feds. Glad you made it out alive.

Posted by: Troy at June 30, 2005 03:37 PM

that reminds me of the fucking fascists that ran me out of the women's locker room at the gym for taking pictures

Posted by: Neckbone at June 30, 2005 04:21 PM

i'm gonna haveta second DaB's comment, as well as MB's about flickr. it is quite rad.

[in creepy wispery voice-from-the-crypt:] JOIN US...

Posted by: sweetney at June 30, 2005 04:43 PM

I didn't quit. I evolved.

Posted by: B at June 30, 2005 06:51 PM

the patriot act in full effect!

Posted by: overdone at June 30, 2005 06:58 PM

What an awesome, though unfortunate, story. And considering the weather, you were probably wearing a big nondescript overcoat and hat, too, huh?

Posted by: mike at June 30, 2005 10:15 PM

You're welcome.

Posted by: bre at June 30, 2005 11:02 PM

Hey, not for nothing, but it's not illegal to photograph federal buildings. Not that I'd suggest getting into it with a cop on federal property's a good idea or anything, and while they're free to ask you what you're doing, run your name, whatever, they really can't make you delete the photographs. If they're demanding it, do it, but feel free to report it. I looked it up after I was stopped taking photos in a Metro station in D.C., and had to delete my pictures of the station (but not the ones on my extra card! ha, suckers!).

Posted by: MT at July 1, 2005 01:57 AM

Man I hate that intimidation crap. They have no right but they love doing it and that just makes it even more infuriating. 'Ha ha, stupid foreigner thought he was getting deported.' You know you're asshole when the highlight of your day is making someone else shit their pants.

Posted by: kevin at July 1, 2005 09:12 AM

yo Kevin, did you and Meghan get hitched? Tell her Simone and I were hanging out on friday and and saw a girl who was the spitting image of her, got up to say hello, both realized it was someone else, probably scared the eff out of her, and turned around and ran away like a couple of idiots.

Posted by: eebmore at July 1, 2005 12:15 PM

Hitched and she's knocked up! We opened our bookstore too, you should stop in Saturday and say hello. We're closed Sunday for the holiday so if you can't make it in this Saturday come some other weekend. We're at 2027 Lombard in Butchers Hill.

Posted by: kevin at July 1, 2005 01:41 PM

knocked up?! Suckers.

What are you all doing for the fourth? I'm still looking for something to do the doesn't involve the boozies, and it looks like meghan is stuck in my situation... with vomit.

Posted by: eebmore at July 1, 2005 02:12 PM

We'll be out of town - we have to visit my family.

Posted by: kevin at July 1, 2005 02:26 PM

oh well. have fun you knocked up fools. I knew after you got married you two would have sex. I just knew it. I may stop by tomorrow.

Posted by: eebmore at July 1, 2005 03:52 PM

Comments close after posts fall off the main index page.
Have more to say? Please mail me:
eebmore at yahoo dot com.