For better or for worse, the chiwawa coiffure seems to be a resounding success. After receiving the buzz-job at the barber yesterday I was feeling peckish, so I stopped by Never On Sunday for some cruddy dinner. While waiting for them to prepare my grease on bread, I began to realize that a man, just out of my field of vision, was staring at me. Thinking he had some sort of problem, I glanced towards him to try to figure why he was gawking. Once I turned towards him, he smiled “that” smile. The one that reminds you of a puppy dog in a pet store window, but instead of his eyes saying “Give me a home... give me treats” they were saying “Take me home. Are you a gay? I’m a gay. Lets go somewhere and be gay!”

Ugh. I would have rathered he was someone to whom I owed money.

Having just received the international body language for “let’s go be gay,” I replied by frowning, turning away and very conspicuously pretending I didn’t see him, which I’ve always assumed was the international body language for “let’s NOT go be gay. Just go about your business, I’ll go about mine and we’ll pretend this never happened.”

Apparently, something was lost in the translation, because for the next five minutes he continued to hop up and down on his hind legs, wag his tail, whimper and vie for my attention in every way imaginable. The five minutes it took for them to finish my grease sandwich seemed like five hours.

I’m not trying to be a hater. Mount Vernon... neutral ground... house rules and all. I’ve always considered myself down with the community, but why did that guy insist on cruising in a public place when there are half a dozen bars which exist explicitly for that purpose within a two block radius? Is the public place hookup really that much hotter? And if he was such a fan of the cruisin', why couldn’t he just do that sort of thing at a rest stop on the highway just like everybody else?

Whatever. No harm done, I suppose. But it does force me to ask myself, does the new bald head make me look handsome, or just gayer?

I need to get fat or something.