Over the past few months, through a combination of begging, borrowing and stealing, I’ve finally been able to catch up on the first three seasons of The Wire. I’m going to do my best to neither praise or critique the show. It’s way too late for that sort of thing, plus I can’t imagine anyone caring about my impressions of a television program. In all honesty, there is no way I can be objective, given the setting and subject matter, I would probably love the show even if it sucked. Needless to say, I’m a complete tool to that show.

A childhood friend of mine, after a ten year stint in Los Angeles, has recently moved to Baltimore. One of the reasons he gave me for returning to the area was that The Wire made him feel homesick. If that isn’t a fantastic example of delusional romanticism, I don’t know what is. I can sympathize, if not empathize, but I can’t help but feel that is that a bizarre reaction to the show.

This childhood friend is willing to pay top dollar for all the premium television the media gods are willing to sell him, so for the past couple of weeks I’ve been heading over to his apartment a few times a week and we’ve been catching up on the third season on his Direct Tivo or whatever the hell they call it. We can only watch a couple of episodes at a time before burning out from the level of concentration that is necessary to keep up with the storyline.

Last night we watched the second to last episode where (*slight spoiler warning*) Omar and Brother Mouzone team up to exact revenge on Stringer Bell. Like I said before, there is no way I can be even remotely objective about the show, but the characters are just unbelievably compelling. It’s impossible not to love Omar, the disfigured gay stick-up man who makes a living robbing drug dealers and has waged a one man war against the west side drug syndicate for torturing his boyfriend to death. I have no idea what happens in the final episode of the season (I’ll be watching that tonight), but I’ve been told and have read that the loose ends are tied up a little too neatly.

image clipped from the HBO, The Wire Website

While watching the scene where Omar and Brother Mouzone are chasing Bell down, my friend joked that he would love to a spin off show featuring Omar and Brother Mouzone as the primary characters. We started to imagine the possible scenarios:

1. Sitcom. Brother Mouzone and Omar move to the suburbs. Mouzone making sneering witticisms about Omar’s sexuality, Omar making cracks about Mouzone’s islamic faith, the two learn to adapt their new environment, develop problems with their new neighbors regarding covenance violations, identifying the most meddlesome member of the local homeowner’s association, corner him/her, and blow that person away in a volley of gunfire.

2. Hour long Episodic Situational Drama. Brother Mouzone and Omar take to the road, traveling from town to town. Mouzone making sneering witticisms about Omar’s sexuality, Omar making cracks about Mouzone’s islamic faith, the two make friends with townspeople who have been wronged by the local bad guy, corner him/her, and blow that person away in a volley of gunfire.

3. Half-hour afternoon children’s cartoon. Brother Mouzone and Omar live in an unidentified big city, joined by a wisecracking talking dog. In each episode, Mouzone making sneering witticisms about Omar’s sexuality, Omar making cracks about Mouzone’s islamic faith, the team use their different talents to help children and solve capers, identifying the bad guy who always pretends to be a ghost, corner him/her, and blow that person away in a volley of gunfire.

4. Hour long variety show. Mouzone making sneering witticisms about Omar’s sexuality, Omar making cracks about Mouzone’s islamic faith, the two start each episode with with a five minute Sonny/Cher style stand up routine, followed by skit comedy and song and dance numbers. Each episode featuring a celebrity guest star, they corner him/her, and blow that person away in a volley of gunfire.

Etc., etc., etc...