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WOOO-H0000! My years long married inaccessible celebrity crush is single again! I’ve been pining after this definition of beauty since time immortal. My crush is so sad and pathetic that I actually sat through the excrement that was Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas. Not that The Sweetest Thing was a cinematic masterpiece or anything, but by comparison it was a far less humiliating sitting through that to satisfy my longing from afar. It’s time for me to buy a plane ticket and get my stalk on.

Do you think Johnathon Schaech will like me back?

Semi not related and a bit more name droppy than I would typically be able to stomach in others, but it is one degree of separation name droppy which is just pathetic, and I’m okay with being pathetic, a good friend of mine is old friends with Ms. A. They ran in the same pack in LA a few years back. I ran into this friend last night. I mentioned that Ms. A had filed for divorce and made a dumb joke about her giving Ms. A my number. She looked very grave and concerned and said something along the lines of: “Oh, I was worried. I had heard that he was living in LA while she’s been in New York... yadda yadda yadda... you know he’s from Baltimore. When they first got married she came out to visit his family and we went out to a bunch of crappy places with his old college buddies... blah blah blah...” this that and the other thing about Ms. A’s old relationship problems "I'm going to have to call such and such", basically killing the jive of my stupid celebrity crush on Ms. A joke by adding a human dynamic (okay, I lied about being crushed out on Johnathon Schaech). Damn her! It is no fun at all thinking of hot celebrities has humans.