I have shocking news people. Credible evidence has surfaced that many of the events described in Whitley Strieber’s 1987 memoir, Communion, which chronicles his experiences with aliens abducting himself and many others and inserting things in their anuses, were in truth, stretched, altered or otherwise fabricated.

I know, I know. Many of you feel betrayed. That which WE ALL assumed to be a completely truthful account of little men from outer space sticking large metal objects in the anus of a successful horror writer, was in fact, partially fictionalized and somewhat exaggerated. Many people, who have since devoted their lives to the study of little, bald, bug-eyed humanoids, are planning to abduct Whitley Strieber, tar and feather him in the town square and shove a first addition hardback copy of the 1987 best seller halfway up his rectum.

Because, as we all know, there is absolutely no responsibility on the part of the public or the reader to practice a smidgen of skepticism as long as the word “Memoir” is attached to a book. These people, after all, were “moved” by Communion to the point that they had felt their lives had been changed. And who can blame them? Television personalities had told them that it was a truthful account and that it would change their lives.

Our lives have been shattered. It is a dark day indeed in the worlds of publishing and best seller authorship.