eebmore: I Promise to Make No More Mention of This For a Very Long Time

I Promise to Make No More Mention of This For a Very Long Time

January 30, 2006

As of tomorrow, it will officially be one full year since I have gotten cranked. To celebrate the occasion, I plan to stand on my head with a plastic one gallon jug of the cheapest ouzo on the market inserted in my rectum, consuming its entire contents “the Greek way.” Then, I will mainline a bucket of grain alcohol into my arm. After which, I plan to stumble (or steal a car, I have not yet decided which) to the nearest bar and pick up the nastiest, scummiest, toothless old barfly I can find (toothlessness will be a definite plus) and give her the two minutes of her lifetime in the back alley. I hope I still remember what to do with her. It has been a year, people. Everything past this point should be a blur, but if I don’t wake up in an emergency room, handcuffed to a bed with a police guard, I will consider the evening to be an abysmal failure.

Anyone care to join me?*

* Of course, I am kidding. I plan to stay at home, enjoy a soothing cup of decaffeinated tea and watch a Merchant Ivory film...

...with your mom. You are not invited. Unless, of course, you have mad video making skills and a veerrry comfortable relationship with your mother.

11:17 AM | Permalink

Comments

Why do you promise not to mention this again? I am fascinated by your untold story of addiction recovery. And your writing style.

...And your mom. (Sorry. Doesn't work like I thought it would).

Posted by: Kristine at January 30, 2006 01:28 PM

hey, careful, kristine. my mother reads this site, you know? for her sake, lets try to clean up the language a little bit. kay?

Posted by: eebmore at January 30, 2006 02:03 PM

w00r, I suggest that whore from Kenya with 2 teeth in her head, you know who I mean, right? WTF is her name.... kathy? anyhoo, congrats on the milestone !
love always, the EX

Posted by: ex-bartender at January 30, 2006 05:23 PM

hahahaha! oh my god, I just figured out who you were talking about.

NO WAY!!!! I would have to listen to her talk about Kenya for four hours first. I'm not looking for that kind of a commitment.

Posted by: eebmore at January 30, 2006 07:12 PM

As of today, I congratulate your one-year uncrankedness.

Now get back to the dick and fart jokes. ;)

Posted by: anonymouscoworker at January 31, 2006 04:18 PM

this post wasn’t foul enough for you? jesus. some people are impossible to please.

Posted by: eebmore at January 31, 2006 05:09 PM

Having an ex-brother-in-law who failed rehab 3 times (hence the EX part), and whose actions impacted my entire family for 7 years directly (and to this day) - you are to be congratulated beyond all measure for doing this of your own accord and succeeding. It is no small thing, and you should speak of it often, and with pride and circumspect. Do NOT take this accomplishment for granted (and I know you don't). You saved your life, and bettered the lives of those who love you.

Posted by: Broadsheet at January 31, 2006 10:35 PM

broadsheet- thank you. I know this sounds silly, but in my family, the greatest character flaw is for one to take him/herself too seriously. I have the ghosts of a thousand ancestors, all making fart noises with their armpits, looking down on me and waiting for me to speak of myself with pride so they can swarm down on me and torment me in my nightmares. Okay, maybe not, but I like to think of them that way. The recent ones are there. I’m sure of it. Those lessons were at least passed down by the living. It is our way. I can’t be me by turning my back on them. But I do appreciate it.

Also, my ancestors wanted me to tell you all that the ghosts of your ancestors’ mothers say hi.

They're a bunch of cards, those ancestors of mine.

Posted by: eebmore at January 31, 2006 11:26 PM

Congrats, eeb! It's your blog, you're free to mention your sobriety and/or chasteness as often as you want. May the former far, far, far outlast the latter!

Posted by: jennetic at February 1, 2006 08:03 AM

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