Last night, I received this e-mail:

Date: Wed, 19 Apr 2006 23:31:30 -0400 From: "The Realests" To: eebmore@yahoo.com Subject: Crisis At "The Realests" We have sent this e-mail because we consider you a road dog.

Gawker has attempted to drive The Realests into the ground (check the site for a full explanation: http://therealests.blogspot.com/). As fellow bloggers, please help us blast Gawker by commenting on this situation through your own site.

In solidarity,
The Realests

Of course, my initial reactions were a) who the hell is this guy?, b) what the hell is he talking about, and c) why is he calling me a “road dog?” So I checked my sitemeter:

Ah, more google traffic.

yay.

So I bounced around all the hyperlinks to figure out what it was exactly that inspired this Gidget-talk revolution rhetoric email, and what I was supposed to be in solidarity about with my road doggieness. As far as I can make out, Gawker has some blurb feature called Blogorrhea NYC where it links and snarks on what it considers to be lame blog entries from around NYC. This Realest fellow was lucky enough to have an entry of his featured, is now trying to parlay this nonevent into some blog equivalent to a media frenzy, wrote an entry effectively declaring blog war on the editors, finished the entry with an apology for meeting new readers “under these awkward circumstances” and then hyperlinked to some of his own favorite posts, as though it wasn’t obvious that his “crisis” was actually an opportunity for some new traffic.

Now, far be it for me to actually defend Gawker of all pages. I don’t read Gawker. I know nothing of its current editors. It does not matter if the editors are named Coen, Spiers, Sicha or whatever, the editorial tone and content is a consistent snippy, bitchy snail-trail of New York celebrity gossip. I don’t care about celebrities, I don’t care about gossip, and I sure as hell don’t care about New York. It is the blog equivalent of Page Six, which makes it worse than Page Six. Not only is it bottom of the bucket gossip journalism, is it PRETEND bottom of the bucket gossip journalism. Mr. Realists, I know you have never heard of me before you googled and sought out my solidarity as a fellow road dog, so there is no reason for me to expect you to be familiar with my feelings about blogging being a form or journalism, so let me take this opportunity to explain it to you. If I could wipe my ass with html, I would do so with blogs who pretend that blogging is a valid form of journalism, and I would begin with the gossip journalism blogs.

Mr. Realests, now let’s address your post where you declare war on Gawker and your subsequent email to me. I do not blame you for one second for taking the opportunity of Gawker dissing you in a blurb, trying to turn it into lemonade and having a little fun with it. I would do the same thing myself (Gawker, if you’re reading this and would like to mock me, please do. I too would love the attention); but don’t try to pretend that you’re offended by it. They’re not coming after you, or trying to drive you “into the ground,” they’re making fun of you. So what? You and I both know you are overjoyed by this. I can see your internet boner all the way from Baltimore. You and I are both nobodies. I’m personally okay with this. But Gawker, as sucky as it is, is somebody. It is a wonderful opportunity for you. The people who are leaving comments on your blog in support of Gawker and telling you to get a sense of humor are obviously retards; especially that one that mentioned that she was a close, personal friend of Jessica or whatever. Who cares? Yippee for her. But, pointing to your press and bragging about your links is the very definition of lame. Also, FYI, playing the victim over all of this comes off as a little womanly. And hyperlinking to your favorite personal posts is downright whorish.

In the larger scheme of things, none of this really matters. I’m glad you’re getting some attention, good luck as “new-comers, gettin' on the grind...” with your fifteen month old blog, but never ever send me an email where you refer to me as a “road dog” ever again. Please.

Update: Now he’s posting pictures of 2 Pac and Biggie Smalls and equating his made up snipfest to a thug war. Ugh. I’m really regretting bothering with this.