Seriously. Not exactly the end of the world. I keep my hair only about an eighth of an inch anyway. But, not surprisingly, the difference between and eighth of an inch and nothing is significant.

Last month, out of curiosity for what I would look like when I stopped being really thin on top and started being bald for reals, I shaved my head for a couple of weeks to give my me-in-ten-years a test drive. I concluded that completely bald heads look stupid, and mine is no exception. Sure, children with leukemia make them look really cool, but it just made me look more like a vulture than I do already. Or maybe like a cross between Barbra Streisand and Telly Savalas? Either way, even when the remaining follicles on the top of my head go gentle into that good night, I will continue to keep a stubbly truth fringe. It’s better to be funny looking than to be funny looking and trying to overcompensate to boot.

Unfortunately, I must have become accustomed to taking a guardless pair of clippers to my head. Yesterday when I was getting ready for work, I took out the clippers to give myself a quick trim. I realized my mistake the second I felt the cold metal against my crown, having left a two inch swath of complete baldness from my widow’s peak to the back of my head.

I stopped, stared at the beauty of my reverse mohawk for a brief second, shrugged my shoulders and just finished what I had already inadvertently started. Like I said, at this point in my life, this is hardly even worth mentioning. It’ll look normal again in about a week. No one, including myself, will even care that I look like Yul Brenner and Melissa Etheridge’s love child for a few days; but I can’t help myself from lamenting the good old days when me cutting off all of my hair by mistake would have made me the laughing stock of the Universe. Had I done this as a teenager, while tripping on LSD or something else equally probable, I would have been mocked for weeks. As it is, when coworkers mentioned that all my hair was gone, and I told them what I had done, my idiocy barely inspired a chuckle. Apparently, at this age, looking like...

...is to be expected. And that sucks.