Hey. Hi. How are you doing? I have nothing much to say, really. I guess I haven't been writing much here lately. Who cares? Not me. Sometimes I feel like posting a few times a week; sometimes I don't. I guess right now I don't. No biggie, but I guess I should check in at least once a week, just so you don't get the impression that I've developed a life and have lost interest in whispering horrible things into your ears. I promise you, I still have no life. Look down. See? I'm not wearing any pants. Yeah, baby. Don't you like it?

Oh, I'm just kidding. I'm wearing pants. I can't lie to you. I respect you too much.

There I go kidding again. Maybe I'm wearing pants... and maybe I'm not.

I'm not at home. Nope, still no life. I was doing some yard work and some computer stuff at my mother's house, so I'm crashing here/there for the night. I'm using her PC. I've totally forgotten how to use a PC. I can't find the word processing software. Even with spellcheck, my spelling sucks. This spellcheckless post has the potential of having some horrible horrible errors.

Oh, you don't use spellcheck in your posts? Well, aren't you special. Is spellcheck one word or two?

Good lord, I'm stupid.

Almost two weeks ago I was going to write something here that was REALLY REALLY girly. I even put some thought into it, but couldn't bring myself to expose my gooey vaginal center.

ew.

I'm sorry for being grossed out by my own vagina reference. I'm at my mother's house.

double ew.

If I was at home right now, I would probably have deleted this post and started looking at porn by now.

I just thought of porn at my mother's house.

triple ew.

Earlier this week, a guy at work who is moving away brought in all his porn DVDs to give away. Think post earthquake grocery store. Bonanza! Paramedics almost needed to be brought in.

Shameful.

I got two.

quadruple ew.

How do you spell quadruple?

Anyway, like I was saying, nearly two weeks ago I found myself experiencing a really really girly emotion. I take pride in the fact that I died inside many years ago. So, of course, I wanted to rip my eyeballs out. I was briefly very angry at those who conspired to cause me to experience a human emotion. I can assure you, it was only a superficial pretend emotion. It wasn't like having a genuine human emotion towards another actual human being or anything horrible like that. It was completely pretend and manipulated.

So, since I haven't much else to do with this page this week, let's make a game out of it. If you can guess the object of my girly emotion, I promise to totally own up to it and allow you to mock the ever loving shit out of me for it. If you can pin the tail on this donkey's ass, I will leave out no detail as to how much of a My Pretty Pony loving, practicing open mouth kissing on stuffed animals, sugar and spice and everything nice, frilly, nilly, little, wittle fucking girl that I apparently am.