Imagine you have a family member or roommate who thinks the funniest thing in the universe is to perpetually suck on the end of a half inch paint brush, making it nice and wet and sticky, sneak up behind you and rub the brush against you, like, a thousand times a day. Also imagine that this roommate or family member is a blind deaf-mute, a smelly foreigner, clinically dumber than a dog or otherwise incapable of communication or learning. This wet n’ sticky brush wielding retarded/foreigner/Helen Keller roommate/family member may brush you in the face while you are sleeping, on the back of your naked ankle while making dinner, stick the brush in one of your ears at any given time of the day and might even sneak up on you while you’re sitting on the toilet and brush one of your ass-cheeks.

Your initial reaction, I am sure, would be to scream and yell and threaten; but, of course this would be ineffective, as the offender is a blind deaf-mute retard foreigner. Plan B may be to beat the offender to a bloody pulp; but beating a third world mentally-challanged Helen Keller type is both cruel and unproductive, as he is not intelligent enough for physical pain to be a deterrent. I think the most practical solution would be to take this roommate/family member to the doctor and ask him/her to cut off said roommate/family member’s hands while they are removing his testicles, as you were planning on having this individual castrated anyway. Unfortunately, doctors frown upon having retards delimbed, EVEN when you have the cash and are willing to pay up front.

So, Noname (I initially named him Reverend Piddles on the recommendation of a friend, but the name didn’t stick. he is now Noname, pronounced to sort of rhyme with a cross between RO-many and Tsu-NAMI) damn well better get over gnawing on the end of his tail like a pacifier soon, because if I can find an unethical vet with a cash flow problem, Noname’s nonutties won’t be the only things being lopped off of his hind quarters in the very near future.

You know, Romany Tsunami is a way cooler name than Noname. It might be perfect for the little gypsy terror fuck.